For the record and for the sake of clarity I am a grown ass man. At least in theory. As a grown ass man I’ve discovered that I have indeed come to expect certain things from other grown ass people. Not because I have some sort of highfalootin’ sense of how things should be…but more because there are just some BASICS in life that people who claim to be in a state of grown assness should have down. I don’t believe these BASICS to be unachievable for even the below average grown ass person. Therefore, I don’t think I’m setting the bar to terribly high….and yet I’m proven wrong-wrong-wrong! Over and over and fucking over again!.
The creation of this blog is inspired by the apparent inability of mass amounts of grown ass people to even come close to accomplishing these basics and also my feelings about their roles as beings who are stealing my oxygen. You see I’ve found that in this modern technologically amazing world much doesn’t get done with out bureaucracy, inane bullshit and a lot of whining. If it does get done its due in large part to only the most tenaciously driven and dedicated of souls. It’s come to my attention that if things were left up to the surprisingly commonplace Cheeto eating, Diet Coke slurping, remote control flipping, forgot to bathe faction of humankind we would all crash and burn in a flaming ball of inadequate space ooze. WHICH might miraculously, despite it’s cumulative lack of motivation, eventually slob itself through the Universe and spread it’s virus of lame assness through all off existence. Causing the glorious Universe to turn in on itself in vexed astonishment and eventually explode all this zit like putrescence of sloth into a vast void of nothing. This would be unfortunate….or complete Zen. Wouldn’t that be ironic. I suppose we’ll have to wait and see. However, until then I will blog.
Let me be clear, there are people in this world who not only accomplish the basics, but also go far above and beyond. These people do indeed deserve mention as well. We shall see, as this blog continues, what the ratio turns out to be. So first things first…..
THE BASICS
1) WIPE YOUR OWN ASS….if your capable. NOBODY BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE TO STARE DAILY AT THAT GLOB OF SHIT, YOU CALL SUCCESS, THAT YOUR ASSHOLE PRODUCED. WE ALL DO IT, TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN. THIS GOES FOR YOUR NOSE AND ANY OTHER BODY PART. BATHE MOTHER FUCKER!
2) CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF. NOBODY ON THIS PLANET IS YOUR FUCKING MAID…..EXCEPT YOUR MAID. IF YOU DONT HAVE ONE THAT YOU PAY, PICK YOUR SHIT UP.
3) DON’T BE A LITTERING FUCK KNUCKLE. THERE ISN’T SOME MAGIC FAIRY FLOATING AROUND THAT SAVES THE PLANET FROM YOUR IGNORANT BEHAVIOR.
4) DON’T BE A NARCISSISTIC, EGOTISTICAL, JUDGMENTAL, BIGOTED, SEXIST, HATE MONGERING DOUCHE BAG.
5) WHEN SOMEONE HOLDS THE DOOR FOR YOU, SAY THANK YOU. IT’S JUST BASIC FUCKING MANNERS.
6) DONT KICK DOGS, CATS OR ANYTHING THAT DOESN’T DESERVE IT. IF YOU DO, MY HOPE IS THAT ONE DAY THEY WILL KICK BACK….YOU DICK.
7) RESPECT OTHER PEOPLE AND THE WORLD WE ALL OCCUPY. WE ALL GET WET IN THE RAIN NO MATTER WHAT WE BELIEVE IN, WHAT COLOR WE ARE OR WHOM WE CHOOSE TO LOVE….LET THIS ONE SINK IN FOR A MINUTE IF ITS TO COMPLICATED FOR YOU.
8) TREAT YOUR PARTNER LIKE A PARTNER NOT A BITCH. (NON GENDER SPECIFIC). REMEMBER YOU COULD BE ALONE AND YOU HAVE BAD BREATH SOMETIMES. YOUR NO GIFT TO ANYBODY OR THIS PLANET IF YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE.
9) DONT TAKE YOUR EXISTENCE FOR GRANTED. IT WILL END. MAYBE SOONER THAN YOU THINK IF YOU DON’T STRAIGHTEN YOUR SHIT OUT.
10) DO YOUR FUCKING JOB!
There, see what I mean? Just fucking BASICS.
THE PARAMETERS
First of all, this is my blog. Do what I want. Secondly, if you don’t want to read it go to aversion therapy until you don’t type in DOYOUREFFINGJOB.COM in the menu bar. This blog will change and evolve. Just like life.
I will be blogging occasionally about people, businesses or groups or whatever and definitely the BASICS. Mostly #10 I’m guessing. Although you might find a tirade about some asshole parent that likes to beat there kid in public. Or some douche bag politician taking our country to the cleaners. Or maybe even a feel good story every now and then….but I wouldn’t hold my breath….or maybe do. yeah, go ahead hold it. Hooold it.
As much as this blog is about me and my opinions I am brave enough to throw down the gauntlet. I’m inviting you folks to submit your own Grunts about your experience with someone who desperately needs to be told to Do Your Fucking Job! I will sift through them and post the glorious ones. I caution you though, before you submit your Grunt remember to subscribe to Basics #4,7 and 9. Or don’t. I get to decide what gets posted and what doesn’t. Hell I might Grunt about your Grunt so don’t write it like an illiterate fuck. Spend some time. Invest a little of yourself. You can send your Grunt to DirgruntledCustomer@DoYourEffingJob.com.
Thanks for reading my Genesis Grunt and until next time DO YOUR FUCKING JOB!
DOYOUREFFINGJOB.COM 