Most of you, if not all, know someone who is what I disaffectionately call a ghost employee. It is not a term I coined as it appears in many books regarding the subject of business management. It is a term, however, that perfectly describes several of the people I work with. Yes I work a job. No I’m not independantly wealthy. In case you were wondering. And if you don’t like the term ghost employee it’s probably because it describes you, you lazy – slow footed – useless FUCK.
Look, I’m not so obtuse as to think that I perform at 100% of ability 100% of the time. Everyone has variances in their productivity. Good days, bad days and days you just don’t quite give as much of a fuck as you should. This is par for the human condition. Having to adult in a seemingly endless hamster wheel for years on end can certainly produce fluctuations. This much I get. But…..
BUT BUT BUT BUT! WHAT WHAT WHAT! I don’t get is the guy, or gal, that shows up only to disappear and fly under the radar for as long as is humanly possible. Spending as much of their work day as they can being as unproductive as they can. It’s not only amazing and befuddling, but also in some weird sick bizarro kind of way… admirable…Ya know, as in a “I’m astonished at your ability to be less than a useless bowl floater” kind of way.
It’s absolutely boggling to me.
Now don’t get me wrong, if this ghost person has some sort of hustle going on, I get it. Like studying or trying to pass a test. Running a side business. Handling personal family issues. Hell even dealing drugs or calling your bookie I understand. There are times when one has to tuck away and deal with things of this sort. At least this person has some gumption and is accomplishing something for Christ’s sake!
It’s the person that shows up for work disappears and if you were to find them, after wasting your time doing so, is watching cat videos – how to do their nails tutorials – or my personal fave – three hours in to a six hour nap for the fifth day in a row.
FUCK YOU!! Get the fuck up and do something. Anything that gives me a reason to not want to punch you in the nose and crush your cerebral cortex for wasting my child’s oxygen.
Seeing people bust their ass to achieve a goal, do a good job and make a difference every day is a glorious experience. It shows the validity of the human race. Knowing that there is some slug turd taking advantage of a situation just to flog their already rancid lethargy really makes my ass twitch.
I’ve become a fan of the death penalty if for no other reason but to cull the herd of useless time sucking deuschebags. Removing anybody who doesn’t even have enough gumption to wipe their own ass should not be a crime. It’s a service to the planet and all off mankind.
Parents, if this describes your child and they are of an adult age please do me and the world a favor; smother them with a pillow the next time you find them mouth breathing their way across your sofa. ( I know the thought of life in prison can seem overwhelming, but I assure you we will all be grateful for your sacrifice.) The statement “I brought you into this world and I can take you out!” should carry more weight.
To summarize, if you find my above rant even mildly self applicable, please jump off a fucking bridge. Make it a tall one. For fuck’s sake at least do one thing in your life that is worthwhile….and do it with motivation.
If you are completely incensed about the affore mentioned bag of shits then I can assure you there is a definite way to avoid becoming one of them yourself….it’s simple really…..Just Do Your Fucking Job!
Keep up the good work!
**Disclaimer; The author of this blog in no way supports the act of drug dealing or book making…however, at least those people do something.
DOYOUREFFINGJOB.COM 