Author: Disgruntled or maybe just Gruntled

Most of you, if not all, know someone who is what I disaffectionately call a ghost employee. It is not a term I coined as it appears in many books regarding the subject of business management. It is a term, however, that perfectly describes several of the people I work with. Yes I work a job. No I’m not independantly wealthy. In case you were wondering. And if you don’t like the term ghost employee it’s probably because it describes you, you lazy – slow footed – useless FUCK.

Look, I’m not so obtuse as to think that I perform at 100% of ability 100% of the time. Everyone has variances in their productivity. Good days, bad days and days you just don’t quite give as much of a fuck as you should. This is par for the human condition. Having to adult in a seemingly endless hamster wheel for years on end can certainly produce fluctuations. This much I get. But…..

BUT BUT BUT BUT! WHAT WHAT WHAT! I don’t get is the guy, or gal, that shows up only to disappear and fly under the radar for as long as is humanly possible. Spending as much of their work day as they can being as unproductive as they can. It’s not only amazing and befuddling, but also in some weird sick bizarro kind of way… admirable…Ya know, as in a “I’m astonished at your ability to be less than a useless bowl floater” kind of way.

It’s absolutely boggling to me.

Now don’t get me wrong, if this ghost person has some sort of hustle going on, I get it. Like studying or trying to pass a test. Running a side business. Handling personal family issues. Hell even dealing drugs or calling your bookie I understand. There are times when one has to tuck away and deal with things of this sort. At least this person has some gumption and is accomplishing something for Christ’s sake!

It’s the person that shows up for work disappears and if you were to find them, after wasting your time doing so, is watching cat videos – how to do their nails tutorials – or my personal fave –  three hours in to a six hour nap for the fifth day in a row.

FUCK YOU!! Get the fuck up and do something. Anything that gives me a reason to not want to punch you in the nose and crush your cerebral cortex for wasting my child’s oxygen.

Seeing people bust their ass to achieve a goal, do a good job and make a difference every day is a glorious experience. It shows the validity of the human race. Knowing that there is some slug turd taking advantage of a situation just to flog their already rancid lethargy really makes my ass twitch.

I’ve become a fan of the death penalty if for no other reason but to cull the herd of useless time sucking deuschebags. Removing anybody who doesn’t even have enough gumption to wipe their own ass should not be a crime. It’s a service to the planet and all off mankind.

Parents, if this describes your child and they are of an adult age please do me and the world a favor; smother them with a pillow the next time you find them mouth breathing their way across your sofa. ( I know the thought of life in prison can seem overwhelming, but I assure you we will all be grateful for your sacrifice.)  The statement “I brought you into this world and I can take you out!” should carry more weight.

To summarize, if you find my above rant even mildly self applicable, please jump off a fucking bridge. Make it a tall one. For fuck’s sake at least do one thing in your life that is worthwhile….and do it with motivation.

If you are completely incensed about the affore mentioned bag of shits then I can assure you there is a definite way to avoid becoming one of them yourself….it’s simple really…..Just Do Your Fucking Job!

Keep up the good work!

**Disclaimer; The author of this blog in no way supports the act of drug dealing or book making…however, at least those people do something.

Maybe it’s just me…….bwahahahahahahaha!…..But when I was growing up I was taught not to take things for granted. I was taught things like manners, punctuality, morals, ethics and yep you guessed it…WORK ETHIC.

Work ethic. Hmmmm what exactly is work ethic? Work ethic as defined by Google is as follows ‘the principle that hard work is intrinsically virtuous or worthy of reward.’ In other words you work hard, you get rewarded. You don’t work hard, you don’t get rewarded. It seems pretty easy peasy to me. Fairly self explanatory, basic even. Yet….

Finding a young person these days that actually does more than just show up, and that’s usually late, is amazingly difficult. Being a small business owner I can’t pay a lot, however the job takes little more than a strong back and some common sense. I hire young people who are just starting out. They don’t have much higher learning if any at all. So I can’t imagine that they should expect more than a bottom rung job. I have plenty of work.

I’ve mowed through eight of these young people in the past three months. Not because I’m a haneous boss, a tyrant or even slightly an asshole. Not because the work is demeaning or illegal. But simply because their phone bill gets paid and they decide that they’ve had enough of work for awhile. Blows my mind.

When I was young, which mind you was twenty some years ago, I was hungry. I wanted experience. I wanted to accomplish something. I wanted money.

It seems these days that once these young people get their most basic needs met they just tralalala on down the road. Which in and of itself I guess is fine, but come on!

Even the ones that float to the top tell me when working is convenient for them. They call in when they’ve had a long day the day before. And by long day I mean a full eight hour shift. I work 90-100 hours a week  (THAT’S TWO AND A HALF FULL TIME JOBS FOR ANYONE THAT’S COUNTING), run a small business, have a farm w/ animals to tend to, spend time with my family and still find some time to explore life. What the fuck.

In the past week I’ve had one guy call in for the fifth time, after he let me know when he could work. Apparently he felt it neccessary to skip a day “so he could give me 100% the following day”….that’s a fucking quote.

And another kid decide that he was done for the day at 3:45 in the afternoon. He’d catch me later in the week when he felt like working again….

AND THESE ARE THE BEST OF THE BEST I can find. No drive, no determination, no fucking work ethic.

I’m quickly becoming a fan of mandatory military service for all young people. Someone needs to teach them what their parents didn’t.

JUST DO YOUR FUCKING JOB!

i’m out.

So. Here we sit. 2019. Yep. Not even New Years Day. Nope at this point there’s less than 11 months left. Yep. When was the last time I blahblahblogged. July? Hammered out three posts and…WELL PEOPLE this is a prime example of someone NOT DOING THEIR FUCKING JOB! and that someone is me. So.

It’s time I ammend this lackluster siteeation. Plus, I’m sitting in the middle of a messy office procrastinating doing my taxes. Which of course is the perfect opportunity to write a blog post, which I apparently haven’t payed any attention to in over six months. Yep, now is the perfect time. See, I fall victim to my own three ring circus just like the next person.

NOW ENTERING THE CENTER RING IS THE PRACTITIONER OF PROCRASTINATION! THE MAGICIAN OF MANANA! THE FABULOUS FINDER OF FIVE MORE MINUTES! FEAST YOUR EYES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! HE’LL BE HERE IN JUST A MINUTE!

I suppose I can’t be to hard on myself. After all it’s not like I wasn’t doing anything. You see I’ve been busy….Doing My Fucking Job!….just not this job. However, this needs to change. Why? You ask….I thought we already covered that. Keep up please.

So in this new odd year we shall see how many of you, including me, yep you guessed it…Do Your Fucking Job!

Gotta go!

Why?

Loaded question? Simple inquiry? Seeking answers to that question seems like it is quite possibly one of man/womankinds biggest assets towards our evolution as a species. It is simultaneously one of our biggest snaffoos. If we ask Why? we must now spend time seeking out the answer. Processing the information that comes with that information. Developing opinions, perceptions and emotions regarding the answer. Acting and/or reacting according to those opinions, perceptions and emotions. Making decisions based on all of this and assimilating it all into our now freshly adjusted reality. We like to call it learning. I don’t disagree with this title, but if we for a minute embrace the act of not asking Why? and rather just accept Is do we not then learn as well?

We ask Why are you different from me? Why is this perspective different from mine? Why do they not see my way as the right way? Why is my way the wrong way? Why should I do this? Why should I do that? Why should I feel this or that? Why do I feel this or that? Why God? Why not God? Why is there a God? Why do people believe in Gods? Why does this hurt when I put it in my butt? Why? Why? Why? We by nature are answer seekers. So we continue to slog through all the mysteries of every new Why? that pops up and you guessed it, problems develop.

You see not everybody learns the lessons taught to them by the answers to the question of Why? Some people have a tendency to ask Why?, see no personal benefit in the answer and handle it with the eternally angry WHY SHOULD I!? FUCK YOU. This is when people learn and then choose via their own free will to ignore the education provided by the answers to the question. This is self created ignorance. It’s the worst side effect of the question Why? and is based out of fear. It’s this which decimates all the benefits that come from being a natural born answer seeker. A wise man once told me that you can ask the Universe for answers and it will provide them. The problem with this is once you find the answers, you can’t un-find them. There’s no going back. So we answer seekers have a tendency to build a thick skin of denial around those unliked answers and defend that denial with fearful anger until it becomes hate. It’s a cyclical counterproductive experience all stemming from asking the evolutionary question of Why? and then being unwilling to accept the answer.

Let me ask you this, if the occassion to ask Why? were to arise in your life today, as I’m sure it eminently will, and you decided to not seek the answer or answers…would the world quit spinning? Birds plummet from the sky? Frogs fill your rain gutters? Sink holes consume humanity? Your inny become an outty? I think that would be a bit far fetched don’t you? What would happen, I believe, would be acceptance. Acceptance of something that is unknown, maybe even a bit scary, without explanation. It just simply Is. No Why? Just Is. This would be a huge challenge for most. The benefit to this, however would be palpable I believe. I think it could be globally impactful if done en mass. In fact I believe we are close to the perfect time in the human evolutionary process to quit asking Why?. We are growing out of the need for it.  It’s time for Is. Let’s try this…

If aliens from another….place were to appear in our reality and say hello with no desire to destroy us what would be the benefit of asking Why? Could it possibly be better to simply approach this experience with “Ok, cool.” and then move on with life accepting that aliens are here. No need to dissect and analyze it to death or hate them for being them. They just Is.

Or how about something closer to home? The next time someone whom is different from you, which is everybody, comes into your world try just accepting them. Color, gender, religious or sexual preference, culture or background becoming unimportant. Just acceptance. They just Is who and what they Is. No Why? do they not fit in my box of reality. Just Is. I think someday this might be possible, however, in order for this to become reality there must also be an acceptance of self….letting go of some of the most personal of Why?’s. The ones in ourselves that we are not comfortable with. The seriously difficult Why’s. At the present moment I view it as almost an insurmountable, yet possible, challenge of the human race due to that nasty self imposed shroud of denial wrapped in fearful anger and hatred.

I don’t completely blame Why? for this. After all we wouldn’t have made it this far without that exact question. Fear is an instinctually innate part of humanity and must be evolved through. Grown beyond. It’s a fine line, treading this transitionary place of mankind. This changing of the guard from Why? to Is. People must learn to let go of the fear of the answers they have been given by the Universe. We must accept those answers and be ok with them within ourselves. So, today, no matter where you find yourself along this path, whether it’s Why or Is or a little of both, I just have one request…..do your fucking job….evolve.

 

Did everyone survive the 4th of July?  That’s a trick question. Why? Because statistically speaking that’s an impossibility. Google it if you don’t believe me…cuz Google never lies. Now Wikepedia on the other hand is a notty bitch that tells falsehoods for fun…Google it.

I digress, let’s talk a bit about mortality, statistically speaking. Mortality is something that concerns me only in so much as how it pertains to me. The irony though is that once my mortality comes to an end I will no longer care about it. It’s tricky, this investment in mortality.

What exactly the fuck are you talking about you ask? ( I know this because I just asked myself the same question)

Let’s see….what are the bullet points….?

• 4th of July
• Google
• Wikipedia
• Statistics
• Mortality

Ok, well let’s dumb this down….I don’t really give a shit about statistics. Regardless of what I just said. That class was a snoozer. I was statistically late or absent.  So statistics are gone despite their plausible pertinence.

I Google. You Google. We all Google. Who cares.

Fuck Wikipedia. They are a prime example of Do Your Fucking Job! recipients.

So that leaves us with 4th of July and Mortality. Seems morbid to combine these two doesn’t it. I mean who wants to combine the celebration of the freedom of a people (whom happened to conquer and murder another people to gain it…but that’s a different Grunt.) with mortality? I do. So here we go.

Gun powder is used in the making of fireworks. Fireworks are used typically in our fat American celebration of this countries independence. ( Now you know I’m an American. Good for you) Gun powder is also used in making bullets. Why? Because gunpowder is good at propeling shit through the force created when you apply fire to it. It’s not called gunpowder because it tastes good on cereal.

Well Americans seem to think that because gunpowder is used in making fireworks and fireworks are what we shoot off in celebration that this must mean that we can shoot off anything that has gunpowder in it. Like fully automatic weapons. This seems like a mad leap of insanity to me, but I can see how you might get to this conclusion by using elementry math. It’s the people who didn’t make it past the elementry stage of life that fail to realize that a little kown force exists. This force is something called gravity for all you brainiacs out there. And what gravity means in the simplest of terms is that things that go up must come down. Down being back towards the surface of earth (the rock you’re standing on). So when a stupidly exhuberent American decides to fire his AR into the air in euphoric celebration the slugs which sling all willy nilly out of the end of the barrel eventually do a fucking u turn and come zinging back towards the planet from whence they came. If only they were programmed to return to the gun from which they were fired. Unfortunately they have a tendency to zing right on down randomly perferating objects in their way. Like a roof, a car or a skull. This would seem to me to be a reasonable reason to not fire a fucking gun up in the air. But then again I made it all the way through elementary school, like a boss.

I myself am a gun owner, as such I have taken upon myself the responsibilty of knowing what my obligations are. Learning safety, handling and appropriate function of said firearms. You might say that as a gun owner I’ve made sure to do my job.

So to all you cerebral giants out there who own guns and have decided that firing them up in the air in celebratory glee is a good idea I have only one thing to say….

DO YOUR FUCKING JOB!!!!

 

For the record and for the sake of clarity I am a grown ass man. At least in theory. As a grown ass man I’ve discovered that I have indeed come to expect certain things from other grown ass people. Not because I have some sort of highfalootin’ sense of how things should be…but more because there are just some BASICS in life that people who claim to be in a state of grown assness should have down. I don’t believe these BASICS to be unachievable for even the below average grown ass person. Therefore, I don’t think I’m setting the bar to terribly high….and yet I’m proven wrong-wrong-wrong! Over and over and fucking over again!.

The creation of this blog is inspired by the apparent inability of mass amounts of grown ass people to even come close to accomplishing these basics and also my feelings about their roles as beings who are stealing my oxygen. You see I’ve found that in this modern technologically amazing world much doesn’t get done with out bureaucracy, inane bullshit and a lot of whining. If it does get done its due in large part to only the most tenaciously driven and dedicated of souls. It’s come to my attention that if things were left up to the surprisingly commonplace Cheeto eating, Diet Coke slurping, remote control flipping, forgot to bathe faction of humankind we would all crash and burn in a flaming ball of inadequate space ooze. WHICH might miraculously, despite it’s cumulative lack of motivation, eventually slob itself through the Universe and spread it’s virus of lame assness through all off existence. Causing the glorious Universe to turn in on itself in vexed astonishment and eventually explode all this zit like putrescence of sloth into a vast void of nothing. This would be unfortunate….or complete Zen. Wouldn’t that be ironic. I suppose we’ll have to wait and see.  However, until then I will blog.

Let me be clear, there are people in this world who not only accomplish the basics, but also go far above and beyond. These people do indeed deserve mention as well. We shall see, as this blog continues,  what the ratio turns out to be. So first things first…..

THE BASICS

1) WIPE YOUR OWN ASS….if your capable. NOBODY BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE TO STARE DAILY AT THAT GLOB OF SHIT, YOU CALL SUCCESS, THAT YOUR ASSHOLE PRODUCED. WE ALL DO IT, TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN. THIS GOES FOR YOUR NOSE AND ANY OTHER BODY PART. BATHE MOTHER FUCKER!

2) CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF. NOBODY ON THIS PLANET IS YOUR FUCKING MAID…..EXCEPT YOUR MAID. IF YOU DONT HAVE ONE THAT YOU PAY, PICK YOUR SHIT UP.

3) DON’T BE A LITTERING FUCK KNUCKLE. THERE ISN’T SOME MAGIC FAIRY FLOATING AROUND THAT SAVES THE PLANET FROM YOUR IGNORANT BEHAVIOR.

4) DON’T BE A NARCISSISTIC, EGOTISTICAL, JUDGMENTAL, BIGOTED, SEXIST, HATE MONGERING DOUCHE BAG.

5) WHEN SOMEONE HOLDS THE DOOR FOR YOU, SAY THANK YOU. IT’S JUST BASIC FUCKING MANNERS.

6) DONT KICK DOGS, CATS OR ANYTHING THAT DOESN’T DESERVE IT. IF YOU DO, MY HOPE IS THAT ONE DAY THEY WILL KICK BACK….YOU DICK.

7) RESPECT OTHER PEOPLE AND THE WORLD WE ALL OCCUPY. WE ALL GET WET IN THE RAIN NO MATTER WHAT WE BELIEVE IN, WHAT COLOR WE ARE OR WHOM WE CHOOSE TO LOVE….LET THIS ONE SINK IN FOR A MINUTE IF ITS TO COMPLICATED FOR YOU.

8) TREAT YOUR PARTNER LIKE A PARTNER NOT A BITCH. (NON GENDER SPECIFIC). REMEMBER YOU COULD BE ALONE AND YOU HAVE BAD BREATH SOMETIMES. YOUR NO GIFT TO ANYBODY OR THIS PLANET IF YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE.

9) DONT TAKE YOUR EXISTENCE FOR GRANTED. IT WILL END. MAYBE SOONER THAN YOU THINK IF YOU DON’T STRAIGHTEN YOUR SHIT OUT.

10) DO YOUR FUCKING JOB!

There, see what I mean? Just fucking BASICS.

THE PARAMETERS

First of all, this is my blog. Do what I want. Secondly, if you don’t want to read it go to aversion therapy until you don’t type in DOYOUREFFINGJOB.COM in the menu bar. This blog will change and evolve. Just like life.

I will be blogging occasionally about people, businesses or groups or whatever and definitely the BASICS. Mostly #10 I’m guessing. Although you might find a tirade about some asshole parent that likes to beat there kid in public. Or some douche bag politician taking our country to the cleaners. Or maybe even a feel good story every now and then….but I wouldn’t hold my breath….or maybe do. yeah, go ahead hold it. Hooold it.

As much as this blog is about me and my opinions I am brave enough to throw down the gauntlet. I’m inviting you folks to submit your own Grunts about your experience with someone who desperately needs to be told to Do Your Fucking Job! I will sift through them and post the glorious ones. I caution you though, before you submit your Grunt remember to subscribe to Basics #4,7 and 9. Or don’t. I get to decide what gets posted and what doesn’t. Hell I might Grunt about your Grunt so don’t write it like an illiterate fuck. Spend some time. Invest a little of yourself. You can send your Grunt to DirgruntledCustomer@DoYourEffingJob.com.

Thanks for reading my Genesis Grunt and until next time DO YOUR FUCKING JOB!